The Toyhammer 40000 Caretaker: Re Everything, really
by The Emperors Scribe 25
Summary: A Recreation of my first story, now with ninetpercent more... being a decent story.
1. Chapter 1

**The Toyhammer 40000 Caretaker: Re...Everything Really...**

**(Walks in wearing a black robe) So you sought out my archives, did you? Welcome, weary traveller. I trust you sought the texts conerning the infamous 'Toyhammer' event. You have done well to find me. (pulls a book down from a nearby shelf) This should sate your curiosity. If you require anything, simply shout. I will here you (walks away)**

**xxxxxXXXXXxxxxx**

Jason walks up the driveway to his new suburban house. And by suburb, he meant it looked like any other neighborhood except the tree fairy had dropped a sapling every twenty feet. He sighed.

A recent college grad, he had a degree in history, but he had failed to find a job outside of the local museum. And while he loved the old place, he hated the sheer stupidity of some people who visited.

One fourteen year old had asked him if Hitler had died from being shot, which was a fair question, but another had asked him who Hitler was. He knew school was a bit restricting on teaching World War II history, but this was ridiculous!

Pushing that thought out of his mind, he unlocked the front door and took notice of his empty hall. He should find some decorations to make the house look a bit more... homey, was that the term? He couldn't remember.

He walked into the living room, and then his heart stopped. In the center of the floor, seemingly patrolling their sorroundings, were a huge army of Warhammer 40000 Imperials. Except these guys were tiny!

Space Marines were searching the sorroundings, Guardsmen were rigging up defenses and what looked like an Inquisitorial detachment with Sisters of Battle were standing around looing threatening, while several Knight titans loomed over the precedings, easily being nearly a foot tall.

The Marines were the first to spot him, and they shouted and opened fire. Bolter rounds managed to puncture his shirt, and they stung like hell. The Guardsmen heavy artillery opened up, but luckily the shells missed, them having fired reactionally.

Jason ducked back into the entry hall, heart pounding. He grabbed his chest, slumping down to the floor.

"What the fuck were those guys?" He muttered, as he regained his courage. He picked up a hiking boot and rounded the corner, throwing it.

It smashed several Marines aside and threw a Leman Russ back several feet. He charged the Imperials, picking up an APC of some sort and slamming it onto the Marine commanders head.

The marines stopped firing as their commander wobbled around all woozy like. Jason took this opportunity to try some more peaceful negotiations.

"What in the name of fuck are you doing in my house!" He roared. Several nearby Guardsmen covered their ears.

The Astartes commander regained his senses and went for his axe, before stopping when Jason held up the tank in a threatening manner.

"You all have leaders, don't you? Could I please have the generals meet with their cohorts/command squads for a little... discussion?" He says, plopping the Marine commander onto the coffee table.

xxXXxx

Several minutes later, the Imperial generals were arrayed with minimal fuss. The Inquisitor had brought his retinue, all of whom looked like nightmarish things except for the guy with a shotgun, who looked more normal.

The marines had a few commanders, all of them different colours. the overall commander appeared to be a Dark Angel, while the other two commanders were wearing the colours of the Raven Guard and the... Jason couldn't identify the others chapter.

The guard commanders also had a few different types poking about. A guy in blue-gray armour with a funny hat on and a fellow in heavier armour with a big chainsaw sword.

The Battle Sisters leader, a lady in fancier armour and carrying a bolter with an underslung melta, looked at him funnily, before turning to the Inquisitor and talking about... something to do with heresy probably.

The Knights commander weighed about twenty punds, as Jason had learned from having to place him onto the table. He was just a fancier Knight Titan with four smaller machine guns rather than the usual two.

"Righty then, now that we are all assorted, if we could please have some introductions?" Jason said, sitting on his favourite chair from his computer.

The Marines commander looked up at him, then cleared his throat. "I am Captain Tyrus of the Dark Angels Chapter. I command third company. These two are Captains Mortrus and Bellinus. Mortrus is of the Raven Guard chapter while Bellinus hails from the Burnished Guantlets chapter."

"I am Lord Martaros of Knight House Bellereon." The knight commander said in deep mechanized voice.

"My name is Colonel Joakim of the Ryzan Fifty-First. This is Lord Commissar Davian of the Twenty-Third Gryphonnes Tempestus Scion Company." The Guard commander with the big Chainsword said, saluting.

"I am Inquisitor Throm of the Ordo Hereticus and this is Cannoness Alista of the Order of Our Martyred Lady." The Inquisitor said, his voice cold.

"Now that that's out of the way lets answer my previous question. How the hell did you get into my house!" Jason said.

"We have no idea. One minute we're clearing a planet of heretics, the next we're on your floor, wondering what happened." Captain Tyrus replied, shrugging.

"That's not too helpful." Jason replied

"Thats all we know."

"Great... just great..."

Jason stands up, looking at the Imperials.

"Well, since you're apparently stuck here, I'd best find some places for you guys to stay."

**xxxxxXXXXXxxxxx**

**Hey there Warhammer fans! I'm sorry if the intro confused you, I just think thats how I'm going to open all my stories now. Anyways, some of you are probably wondering, "Why are you writing this! You already have a Toyhammer story!" Quite simply, looking back, that story wasn't to interesting. The plot was a mish-mash of things from other Mini-hammer stories and I just didn't like it very much. This is the new, improved Toyhammer 40000 Caretaker, and I will do it the way it should be done! Properly!**

**Scribe out.**


	2. Chapter 2: A Knight, A Scout and History

**The Toyhammer 40000 Caretaker:**

**Re... Everything, Really**

**Chapter 2: Settling in.**

**xxxxxXXXXXxxxxx**

**So you can't stop, you want to know even more? Very well. (Grabs another book) This tome is set a day after the first. Be aware, this tale is not for young ones. There will be violence and such later. But surely you needn't worry... (laughs)**

**xxxxxXXXXXxxxxx**

Jason yawned, stretching his arms and sat up in bed, only to hear a scream and a splat. he opened his eyes to see an inch tall space marine sitting in a space-marine-shaped indent in the wall.

He groaned and grabbed the marine out of the wall, plopping him down onto the bedside table, where the marines had parked an anti-air tank to 'defend themselves' in the event of him deciding to kill them.

He did a double take. Now there were three AA Tanks sitting on his bedside table. One had some kind of huge-ass missile launcher while the other two had four barreled 'classic' AA Cannons.

He looks at the marine commander.

"Seriously?" He asks.

"I still don't trust you." Tyrus replies.

"Dick move, little green guy."

"I am sorry if I have offended you in any..."

"Dick. Move."

Jason walks out of the room, only to have a near miss with an Imperial Guard Valkyrie. The Valkyrie turned and hovered, weapons trained on him.

"Cut it out." Jason says to the Valkyrie, walking past it. He strolls into the kitchen, where the Knights are set up with their Mechanicus Allies.

"Mornin' Martaros." He yawns to the Knight Commander, who is docked next to the toaster, where the Mechanicus has rigged up some kind of scaffolding, where they incessantly check the Knights systems for flaws.

He goes to put some bread in the toaster before noticing several dozen candles burning around the thing.

"What are these for?" He asks while gesturing to the candles.

"Prayer candles, so that we may appease this mighty machines spirit." A tech adept answers.

"Why are you praying to my toaster?"

"Once again, to appease its Machine Spirit."

"Okay... then... am I allowed to use it?"

"Of course!"

"Thanks..." These guys creeped him out. A LOT. First praying to the Titan, which made sense, sort of, but now, praying to his toaster?

He popped the bread in and watched the Mechanicus go about cleaning and repairing any minor flaws, while he conversed with the Knight Lord, who was far more... trusting than the others.

"So what are Knights?" Jason asks.

"We are essentially the nobles of feudal worlds where we had the Titans, so we became the rulers." Martaros replied, raising his left arm so the Mechanicus could check his shoulder joint.

"Did you ever have to deal with revolts and the like?"

"No, not really. The peasants were satisfied with working and we provided defense, while the peasants who had thoughts of revolution on their minds were often reminded that we could destroy their village and everything in it effortlessly."

"Sounds effective. But did the peasants pay you taxes and the like?"

"Yes, mostly minerals to repair our Titans and fortresses."

"What would attack you?"

"Mostly hostile Xenos and wildlife. On Cadraeus, the planet my house rules, we lived in the grasslands due to the vast forests being filled with abominations and dangerous creatures."

"Were the abominations creations of this Chaos thing I hear you guys talk about?"

"Yes, the were mostly produced the Warp Storms that cut us off from the rest of humanity."

Jasons toast popped, scaring the piss out of several of the more human orderlies, while the adepts didn't even seem to notice.

He grabbed his toast, before grabbing the milk from the fridge. The museum had coffee in it already, in the staff offices.

After getting dressed, he threw on a coat and ran into the rainy autumn weather. He turned around and grabbed his bag, then sprinted to the bus stop.

xxXXxx

Jason walked into the Museums staff entrance, removing his coat before setting down his bag and grabbing his coffee. Bill, one of the security guards, nodded at him as he walked past.

Jason walked into the WWII History Wing, walking into the archives where he put down his bag and sat down, pulling out his paperwork due next week, some stuff on different artifacts in the museum, their basic data, stuff like that.

Suddenly, his bag moved. Out of the soggy pack, several Guardsmen and an Assault Marine of the Raven Guard rolled out. The Assault Marine looked at the Guardsmen.

"Never again."

And with that, the marine activated his Assault pack and launched himself to the bottom shelf of a nearby display, the glass broken from some vandal.

Brother Verid of the Raven Guard loved recon duties. Especially solo operations. He appreciated the comraderie of his squad, but he liked to go out alone, to forge his own trail.

He inspected a large shell looking piece of ammunition, the thing being larger than him. the sign next to it incoherent, having had 'M & L' written in ink on the surface of it.

Jason grabbed his bag, not noticing it was slightly lighter than before, pulling out a slightly soggy piece of paper with dates and names written on it.

It was then he noticed several Guardsmen with weapons ready sprinting out of the door. Without thinking, he reached down and grabbed them, dropping him onto his paperwork pile.

"What the hell are you doing here!" He whispered furiously, before noticing that one of them had a shotgun. He paused. He had seen that shotgun before... The inquisitors aide!


	3. Chapter 3: Abhor the Witch

The Toyhammer 40000 Caretaker:

I Need to Make a Shorter Title

Chapter 3: Purge the Xenos, Revile the Witch.

xxxxXXXXxxxx

Jason looked down at the small team of tiny people, all of whom had weapons trained on him. He quickly grabbed the tiny shotgun and dropped it into his pocket.

"Now let's have a talk, you and I. What the hell are you doing in the museu..." Jason asks, stopping mid sentence when a woman about his age walks in.

She looks at him, and he quickly pushes the guardsmen under a binder held aloft by two stacks of paper.

"Ummmm, how can I help you" He asks cooly, grabbing his coffee.

"I'm the new person, I was hired just yesterday. They told me to look for Jason?" She replies.

"You've found him."

"Great! Could you show me around?"

"Uh, sure."

"Thanks!"

Jason gives her a basic tour, noticing her checking him out in the reflection of several cabinets and displays.

He thought he was decent looking, he went to the gym at least once a week and tried to avoid fast food and the like. He was pretty clean and he always wore semi-formal clothes to work.

He wasn't exactly the paragon of human perfection, but he was good looking, he supposed.

She was... well she was just gorgeous. Her hair was especially noticable, bright, shocking red, but it didn't look dyed. She was definitely one of those women he would normally ignore, but she felt, special.

Maybe it was love, maybe it was partial insanity from the shock of miniature soldiers from the future appearing in his house, but he would not find out today, as he spots something poking out of her bag.

That something was also moving. It was blending in well, but the swaying of the bage meant its shadow was having trouble staying... normal. He looked a bit harder before realizing it was a miniature humanoid, just like the Imperials in his house, but different.

He was so focused on her bag, he didn't notice she had stopped walking and he walked right into her.

"Sorry about that, could we please speak in private?"

"Why?'' She asks, eyebrow raised.

"Because there's a small person hiding in your bag." He replied looking her in the eyes.

She nodded before stepping into a side hall leading to the bathrooms.

"I, I can explain..." She says, voice staggering.

"It's little people, right? They appeared in your house?" Jason replied.

"How did you..."

"Because it happened to me too. Do you know where they're from?"

"I did a few Google searches and found them. They're the Eldar, right? From Warhammer?"

"You found Eldar?"

"Yeah, And lots of them."

Jason nodded, looking at her. She was opening her bag, before he went to stop her.

"Come with me, I have some in my office." He says, gesturing to the exit.

**xxxxXXXXxxxx**

**And first other race, FOUND! Now we can truly begin the classic Toyhammer shenanigans. On a business-ish note, really? Almost two hundred views and only one anonymous review? Come on! I'm trying to improve my fic here, and how can I do that without you guys telling me what I did that you did and didn't like? **

**Scribe out.**


	4. Chapter 4: Exposition!

The Toyhammer 40000 Caretaker: Reloaded!

(Name not final)

Chapter 4

**xxxxXXXXxxxx**

**Stop. Put away those pitchforks and torches, let's think about this for a minute. I was busy with two other 'fics, I was at summer camp for a week, and I tend to write which ever story I want to at the time, and I needed a break from 40k. Anyway, let's carry on.**

**xxxxXXXXxxxx**

Jason walked into his office, grabbing a chair for the girl. He sat down, looking very business-like in his dress shirt and tie.

"First off, I never got your name?" He said, reaching for the guardsmen and discovering them where he had left them.

"My name's Alicia." She replied, reaching into her bag and pulling out several small Eldar.

Jason put down the guardsmen, who looked around warily until Alicia put down the Eldar, at which point the Inquisitors aide yelled for them to find cover and they ducked behind his pen, while the Eldar ducked behind a book on World War One weaponry.

Both Alicia and Jason told their respective forces to be nice, and then began bombarding each other with questions.

"When did these guys arrive in your house?" Alicia asked, looking at the small team of guardsmen with curiousity.

"A couple days ago. What about them?" Jason asked gesturing to the Eldar scouts, all of whom were warily watching the Imperials.

"Same as you, a couple days ago. What kind of guys showed up for you?"

"Imperials, and you have Eldar. I wonder if anybody else has this problem...?"

"I doubt it, it's unlikely this happened to anyone else."

"Then again, them appearing in our houses is pretty unlikely itself, but it happened."

xxXXxx

Devon watched in awe as the Chaos forces that had appeared in his living room all bowed, chanting "Glory to Chaos Undivided, glory to Devon, Avatar of the Warp!"

xxXXxx

Nathaniel blinked as the Tyranid horde did exactly what he willed them to do, and performed a small charge forward, then backward. He willed them to split into sub-species, and they did, Gaunts and Warriors forming different clusters.

xxXXxx

Liam watched the weird Tau guys build a small fort on his coffee table, building a landing pad and several living quarters as he passed them lumps of clay, which they instantly hardened with weak pulses of laser energy.

xxXXxx

Markus grinned at the Orks, who had begun to build several shanty towns out of metal, wood, plastic and whatever else they could get their tiny green hands on, while the Warboss screamed at them to "Put der backs into it!"

xxXXxx

"Yeah I'm sure this isn't happening to anyone else." Jason said, sipping his still warm coffee.

**xxxxXXXXxxxx**

**And that's another chapter done. This one was more exposition, and believe me, these other fellows will get more chapters focusing on them.**

**Scribe out.**


	5. Chapter 5: Chaos Rising

The Toyhammer 40000 Caretaker: Reloaded

Chapter 5

**xxxxXXXXxxxx**

**Need more reviews... Can not run without them... **

**xxxxXXXXxxxx**

Devon had been strolling home from the corner store, small bag of groceries in hand, whistling a little tune, generally enjoying life, and then he walked through his front door. And his life changed forever.

xxXXxx

"Who in the hell are you?!" Devon yelled, looking at the tiny figures who looked like something from a video game, as they gazed up at him, tiny weapons held at the ready, but not firing. There were little human guys wearing random scraps of armour and carrying mismatched weapons like pistols, knives and the rare rifle or flamethrower, bigger guys in weird looking armour covered in skulls and runes, and multiple vehicles aproximately the size of his foot, if not smaller.

He shuddered at the thought of what those tank weapons could do to him, before remembering there were inch tall people in his house. He stared at them, they stared at him, he stared at them, they stared at him... this went on for about half a minute before Devon shook his head to clear his thoughts.

"Who's in charge here...?" He asked tentatively, trying not to provoke them. Those weird demon-mouth cannons looked painful.

"Ah-hem, that would be me." Said a very refined voice, before some wierd sorcerer guy appeared on top of one of the tanks, his blue and gold armour surprisingly bright. He had some sort of staff in one hand a big book in the other. He looked at Devon unfazed, seeming unsurprised by the whole ordeal.

"Are you in charge here?" Devon asked, looking at the tiny figure.

"Yes. I am Sorcerer Forosus of the Blades of Change Warband. You are Devon, are you not?" He replied, still acting as though this was a regular thing for him.

"Yeah, why?" Devon replied.

"Because if you are, then my plan has succeeded."

"What plan?"

"Unimportant. If I could ask, what are our lodging plans?"

"You want to live here? Hell freaking no! I've got enough crap to deal with, without you tiny bastards walking around my house!"

The tiny sorcerer paused for a few seconds, before realizing something.

"My sorceries could be a great boon to your life." He said.

"How?" Devon said, now slightly interested.

"I could change small things about peoples behaviours to you, for one. Make women like you more, make merchants offer you better deals, the like. Or I could teach you some minor sorceries, to perform small tasks easier."

"And all I would have to do is let you live here?"

"Provide us with shelter and food, and we will provide everything else."

"Hmmmmm..."

"We can offer you many other things, Devon. The blessings of the gods, great luck, success, all of this could be yours if you let us stay here."

"It's a deal."

"Perfect..."

**xxxxXXXXxxxx**

**Dun Dun DUN! Now we have a sort of villian/antagonist! On a side note, I need reviews. I've passed 1k hits on this and still no reviews. It may be a glitch with fanfiction, or you guys might be lazy, but please, for the love of the Emperor, review!**

**Scribe out.**


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